Last week I had my annual eye appointment. The past few years my vision has changed as my left eye seems a bit cloudier than my right. Ten or so years ago my eye started to show signs of Cataracts. Over the years it has not progressed very much so I was thinking this had to be the reason for my cloudier vision and I would need to update the prescription for my eyeglasses.
I have had a history with the doctor who performed the exam. I have seen this doctor for over 30 years as he was one of the many doctors, I had in 1990 with the onset of my immune deficiency. Long story, very short I had a benign brain tumor that affected my vision. This doctor specializes in Neuro-Ophthalmology, so an appointment could easily last for three or more hours.
Going back to the end of my eye appointment last Friday, my doctor was puzzled as any signs of Cataracts had not changed in the past year and other parts of my eye were fine. The biggest change was the trouble I had with the visual tests in the appointment.
With the complicated medical history that I have I told to get an MRI scan to see if I did have any lesions of any kind around the optic nerve in my left eye or anywhere else. At the end of the appointment, the doctor said, “This is not over, you will be getting a call from us soon.”
The rest of the day I had these questions going through my mind, “do I have a brain lesion?” “if not, will my vision get progressively worse?” “how will my vision be 20 years from now?” It was really, really easy to go down a spiral. Of course, I got this news on a Friday, so I had all weekend to think about it.
I have written about the cognitive fallacy of “catastrophizing” before as it is the brain immediately entertaining a worst-case scenario. I would be lying if I said that counselors are immune to this. With my medical history I have had brain lesions affect my vision before resulting in double vision for two years before a corrective procedure done by the above-mentioned doctor. Essentially, I was in this situation again which I had been in quite a few years.
Five days removed from this appointment; I can tell you with 100% certainly what helps when catastrophizing. The answer is to focus on something else or someone else. What helped me the most was helping my dad around the house. He needed help with some yard work one day and with preparing a meal on another. I was more intentional spending time with him and really enjoying the moment.
Think about it, given, this can be easier said than done. Making someone else or some other activity your focus of attention gives any anxiety and your brain a needed break. It is so easy to isolate yourself and go down this spiral feeling sorry for yourself.
Whenever you feel yourself going in this direction, do whatever you can to resist and give your attention to someone or something else. When you do this, you are taking the focus off of yourself interrupting that worry and self-sabotage cycle. If there is something more serious, deal with it in the future. The time will come, and it is not worth it to spiral in the moment on something that is not certain. This is also coming from years and years or personal worrying realizing it does so much more harm than good.
Is there anything you can share from your experiences where you have been able to turn from constant worry? Please feel free to share whether on Facebook, Instagram or this website.
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