I have a client who has experienced several traumatic events in their lives that turned into a passion to help other people. This client experienced something very deep and dark. Overwhelmed to the point of despair there seemed no way out. This process took years and years of self-examination and coming to a decision this was not going to define them. Another choice was made to shape this experience into fuel to help others coming from a similar past.
Over the past year and a half, I have met with Brittany on a weekly basis every Friday at 4pm. Brittany and her husband have been trying for many years to have a baby. Twice, Brittany has been pregnant only to lose the baby after the first trimester. Brittany is a principal at a Christian school and one of her biggest struggles has been to be genuinely happy and present for her friends and collogues who are pregnant.
Personally, it is very easy for me to relate to Brittany as she has pre-existing medical issues and has had to adapt her life accordingly. Brittany has a heart condition and one of the medications she takes can affect her potential to carry a baby to full term. Several times she has worked with her doctors to take a different medication only for something to happen putting her health in jeopardy where she has to go back on the mediation complicating matters to carry a baby.
A few years ago, Brittany was talking about a period of time where she had fallen into a deep depression lasting for several months that would not lift. Brittany never thought about suicide, but this depression sapped her motivation for living life. This was a “wake-up” moment for Brittany as she is the classic Type A overachiever who can function on five hours of sleep.
Partially on a whim, Brittany had this idea. Essentially, Brittany dressed up as a college age student stood outside of a building that had a clinic inside that would perform abortions. Looking at a picture of this client, she looks like she is in her late teens or early 20’s. Her idea was to talk young girls out of going through with an abortion.
The first time Brittany said she felt completely out of place. She said the telling feature of the women having an abortion was so evident as their face was full of despair and devoid of any hope. Brittany said she was able to have a conversation with maybe two people. Brittany tried a few other times, not sure if her efforts were paying off. One time she was asked to leave as someone had reported her.
“Since I have not had a chance to have a baby, I wanted to tell other girls the gift they had and to not go through with this procedure.” Brittany’s wound or weakness had become a passion of hers. She could not stand the thought of a pregnant woman to throw away the chance of bringing life into the world.
Brittany became really good at her job and has been promoted to more of a leadership role at her school where she did not have that outlet to reach young woman. Although busy with her work, Brittany financially gave to several pro-life charities giving in faith that her efforts would make a difference.
One day, in December of 2019, Brittany got a letter from the one of the pregnant women she had talked with. The letter explained a change of heart and could not follow through with an abortion. Instead, she gave the baby up for adoption as this person was living in a homeless shelter at the time. The author of this letter wanted Brittany to know that she is at peace that she made the right decision and the lasting impact that had on her. The letter was signed, “Anonymous.”
To this day, Brittany has not had a baby and it is still hard at times. She has stopped directly reaching out to women because she is in her 40’s and feels she cannot pull of the “college girl look.” Brittany said the change came when she decided to not look away from her pain and was able to use it for good affecting others for the better.
With any pain, there are two choices. A person either runs from the pain avoiding and/or numbing it entirely or, they decide to face that pain not taking any shortcuts to get through it. Facing pain is hard. What helps is to have other people to support and help you to walk through.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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