In the past two weeks I have received specific feedback about trauma from several clients of mine. Each of the feedback I received had a common denominator which had to do with working through a trauma and what that may look like managing in the future.
These clients had brought up something had stayed with them, and they required some extra time to process. Each of these clients were processing trauma they are going through where they thought the goal was to process their trauma to a point to where it would not affect them anymore. While it is true, trauma can be processed to a degree to where the trauma does not sting as much, some of that trauma will always stay with a person.
To give you an example, a person who has had cancer has gone through the extremely unpleasant process of chemotherapy, radiation, and other treatments. Other treatments can include oral medication that are chemotherapy in the sense that it does the same job but without as much of the side effects like nausea and hair loss or hair thinning.
When this person has been cancer free for five years, which is a joyous milestone, the cancer is in remission. So, in a sense the cancer is cured. The person can live life as normal now.
Even though this person’s cancer is in remission, they are still going to be managing this part of their life with monthly or even annual checkups with doctors. Additionally, a cancer survivor learns how to manage the memories, some painful and traumatic, but pain that has been useful to become cancer free.
Anyone who has had cancer or any other major medical event, there outlook on life changes. Whatever the diagnosis, they become more aware of their mortality. Whether the person embraces or runs from this realization is a different story. Nonetheless, the experience changes a person’s outlook on life.
The same can be said of a person recovering from a traumatic experience. Whether this experience is a near death experience, a broken relationship, or the death of a loved one, life will not continue as normal afterwards because “life as normal” has changed with the new normal managing their new reality after this event.
So, back to the topic of this blog. One client had made the decision to face some hard realities of some relationships in their life. In this process this client uncovered some hard truths but since they had decided to embrace the unpleasantness instead of avoiding, through their work they were able to clear up some events from the past that were not clear.
One comment I had made was about managing trauma. A trauma is always going to stay with a person in some form such as a trigger suddenly coming from nowhere taking the person back to that moment. As time goes on and the way a trauma is processed and healed is in how we manage that memory.
This client pointed out what I said that caused them some discomfort. I said, “whether it is five or ten years from now, there will always be some small percentage of the trauma that will always be with you.” This goes back to the person who is a cancer survivor. Even if they never have cancer again, that person still has the memories both unpleasant and pleasant of that battle with cancer.
I tried to give a tangible example of a medical trauma I had experienced in 1990. I had to have a bone marrow aspiration that ideally the patient would not feel or remember when given the proper medication for the procedure. In this case, having this procedure was time sensitive and I experienced the bone marrow aspiration without any of the medication having kicked in. It was incredibly painful. Now, 32 years later, I remember the event, but the pain of that moment had faded in time.
Not one to be undone, this client they had an experience that easily trumped mine… childbirth! This person’s point was that if the pain has a point, such as for a medical diagnosis or the birth of a new person, the pain is worth it. That is a blog for another day!
A realistic expectation in working through trauma is to realize the “cure” or goal is not to completely forget about the trauma but to slowly process the incident learning how to better manage the trauma over time.
The larger the trauma, the more time it can take to get that 180-degree view of hindsight to feel you have moved on from the trauma and have been able to learn from the experience. A healthy goal to reach is to get to a place where the pain of this experience is your story to tell. There are many books and articles of a person who has experienced a trauma, processed that trauma and are at a point where they are helping others. Even if that whole process takes 50 years, it is worth the work.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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