Serving or the word service in general has sort of gotten a bad rap because the word connotates doing something for someone out of obligation. Think of service industries like food service or cleaning. With on demand services like Uber, or Postmates, I always wonder if the person providing the service is under an obligation and/or genuinely enjoys what they are doing.
The summer of 2000 was kind of awkward as I was leaving my first assignment at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill to go to Orlando, Florida when I was on staff with Cru. Not quite knowing if this was the right move, I entertained other job opportunities. In that process I took a spiritual gifts inventory at the church I was going to.
My top three gifts were serving, giving and discernment. Learning this I joked that this was proof I was of no use to an organization based in evangelism and discipleship. In hindsight, the move to Orlando was a major shift for the better in my career. Still, I wondered, how do I use these gifts?
Fast forward almost 23 years later and the stewardship of these gifts has become clearer. Discernment I use in my job where giving comes with donating time and money to charitable organizations. The past month is where serving has become clearer.
I have been taking a course on peritoneal dialysis that my dad will be able to do dialysis at home. My dad took this class too and we finished a few weeks ago. The process is not so technical as everything must always be germ free. This has meant keeping the cat in a separate room during the process and a metric ton of antibacterial soap and hand sanitizer.
Since this process is repeated everyday the process gets to be second nature. While the goal is for my dad to learn the process for himself. The machine is essentially a computer with a shiny touchscreen that he just does not understand. So, I have been the point person each night to set up dialysis.
We have been doing this at home for the past two weeks. The process is now more streamlined, and I no longer must call the charge nurse for help. My dad has caught on to some of the details but three of the tasks require some strength. The dialysis process uses two bags that are 3000ml and 6000ml. The 3000ml weighs six pounds where the 6000ml comes in at 12 pounds. Add on transporting these bags across the house to my dad’s room.
The other task does not require strength as it does flexibility. Each night the machine requires a drain line going from the machine to the shower. Each night this line is placed on the floor of the shower and two pieces of the line are taped down so not to be a tripping hazard. Each night I am happy to do this as it is a routine. Lately my dad has been connecting himself to the machine as he does not like the nights I go to bed earlier for work.
The connection from the patient to the machine is the most crucial as the catheter my dad has is essentially a line directly into him that must be kept sterile. At first, this process caused a lot of sleep deprivation as my dad was calling me (my room is upstairs) as the dialysis machine was beeping errors.
There is a stage called “drain” that takes out excess fluid. According to where the catheter is placed, this causes “drain pain.” No one likes pain. The first couple of times this was a reason to call the charge nurse. Now, we know how to navigate this when drain pain happens.
This process has been hard for the both of us as it has been learning from mistake after mistake and learning through trial and error. An alternative could be my dad going back to hemodialysis three days a week which he did for five years. Plus, I would sleep better. With the trial and error, there has been progress enough to serve as hope to go on for another day.
If you want to learn how to truly be selfless, serve someone else when they have access to you 24 hours a day. This is the life of a mother, father, nurse, doctor, the list can go on and on. The change comes when you are at your wits end but the person being served is dependent on you. It is really discouraging at first, but that discouragement turns into something much more valuable over time.
Being a caregiver is hard. So is being a parent, brother, sister, teacher, anyone who genuinely desires to better other people. I am fortunate to have someone who checks in on me to see how I am doing. Even nurturers need others…
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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