Say No. One of my favorite authors is Dr. Henry Cloud and his series of books dealing with setting boundaries with other people. Growing up I did not really feel I had a voice since my opinions or thoughts were dismissed. Also, being raised in Charlotte, NC being part of the culture of the South, a conflict of interest was not properly talked through and was rather “swept under the rug” to minimize the conflict of not deal with the conflict altogether.
Dr. Cloud compares having boundaries with others as the property lines between two houses. If a neighbor has something that is crossing the property line of the other neighbor, the neighbor who has been encroached has all the right to tell the other neighbor that this is not okay.
Another scenario is when a friend or family member invites a person to an event where the person really wants that time to themselves to relax and watch a movie after a work week. If the person does want to go the event, great. But what if this person feels obligated to say yes to the invite out of guilt for letting the other person down when the person’s true desire is to say “no?”
Dr. Cloud has said the word “No” is a complete sentence meaning the no does not have to be justified. Thinking through it further, when a person takes ownership of their thoughts and gives a firm “no” or “no thanks” they are taking care of themselves and guarding against burnout and overcommitting to something they really do not wish to invest in. Knowing personal boundaries helps informs you of responsibilities that are yours so you can better take control over your life. What do you think about the concept of Boundaries?
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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