Last week I talked about having a hard conversation. The longer a conversation like this is drawn out, the worse it gets as a person will anticipate how it may go. Sometimes these conversations blow up. Other times they go smoothly.
The hard conversation that I was dealing with is working with one of the companies I am contracted with. This company helps low-income families to get back on their feet such as providing an avenue for affordable housing as well as facilitating peer groups so a person will realize they are not alone and that they have resources.
What is required for each of these people is a counselor to write an intake detailing any mental health issues, giving a diagnosis if needed and signing off on a separate page to signify the agreement made between the agency and the specific person.
Essentially, I was getting too many requests that I did not have the capacity to fulfill. This agency I work with is a small startup, so I am the only counselor they have. The reality is that I have two other businesses I work with plus my own. So, my time is limited.
Approaching the conversation, I knew needed to take place my first inclination was to stop working with them. As a counselor I have learned the value of putting ideas out there and waiting in that silence. This is what I did. I explained my circumstances of the limitations I had where I did not have the actual time to fulfill what was being asked as this would impose upon the already scheduled time I had with other clients. Next was being comfortable with the silence as the other person processed what I just said.
The response I got could not have been better as the other person fully understood where I was coming from and I felt heard. This person understood that if this current reality kept up, I was prepared to leave. Since he knew my stance, he made some changes.
When two people are negotiating over something whether it is a business related, financially related or even relationship related, what is crucial for the person looking for change of some kind is for them to feel completely heard and understood. Even if there is a separate discussion to get to this point, no positive change is going to happen if both parties are on differing terms.
Since I felt understood with both of us remaining levelheaded, I felt the safety and freedom to look for a solution. The solution turned out to be pretty simple. With future intakes for new client’s, I will not be given two weeks of notice versus someone calling me last minute wanting three intake assessments due the next day which I cannot deliver.
I wish I could say that as a fully licensed therapist I am trained to ace hard conversations. The reality is that I am not. Over the years I have learned it is best to have that conversation as soon as possible. Nine times out of ten the conversation goes much better than would have thought.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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