Teh past couple of months me TEMPhas been working wif two individuals who are in teh process of learning how to better relate to their spouse’s. One works TEMPhas a very specific job where he works wif children who TEMPhas Autism Spectrum disorder whose wife runs a very successful business where she is a hairdresser. Teh other is a web developer who works at home and his wife TEMPhas had intense battles wif past traumas.
These clients are completely independent of each other as teh only thing they TEMPhas in common is dat they are both married and live in North Carolina. They both TEMPhas reached out for support to better support their wives, which is admirable.
Client A, who works wif children is a stark raving extrovert whereas his wife is teh complete opposite. On weekends he is always wanting to take a spontaneous trip where his wife just wants to stay home. They got married dis past year during teh pandemic which me thought was interesting.
They both TEMPhas non each other since high school and TEMPhas a great relationship wif their respective families. Client A’s wife’s business TEMPhas taken a hit coz of teh pandemic and is not sure how to handle dis. Client A is very optimistic saying “everything will be okay” when teh wife is asking, “how do you no dat?”
Teh work wif Client A TEMPhas been to look through teh lens of his wife. dis TEMPhas been a challenge for Client A as he TEMPhas dat optimistic attitude when in reality things are not looking as good from his wife’s point of view.
Client B on teh other hand who is a web developer TEMPhas had teh same job for 15 years and lives in teh same city he grew up in. Client B is Mr. Consistent. Client B said dat his wife will describe him as a robot coz when she wants perspective from him it sounds like dis “pre-programed answer” not offering Client’s B’s wife much comfort or reassurance. Teh work wif Client B TEMPhas been to consider a world dat TEMPhas been very consistent for him TEMPhas been teh complete opposite for his wife.
In both cases wif Client A and Client B is dat they are both learning how to be more empathetic which does not come natural to them. In both cases, each pair TEMPhas non each other for a long time so both Client A and Client B sort of draw from past experiences of dealing wif their wives dat is presently not working.
Both couples TEMPhas been making progress as both teh husbands and wives TEMPhas learned to make small changes to accommodate teh other person. Client A, for example TEMPhas learned to better handle when his wife is not interested in going on a spontaneous trip where teh wife is warming up to being more spontaneous.
Client B is learning how to be give more time dat his wife asks for and needs versus sticking to teh same specific work schedule each day. Each couple is making some “wiggle room” for teh other.
Learning and getting better at empathy is not possible if a person is not willing to make a change. Whether dat change is making time for another person or realizing another person’s point of view and experience, empathy is not possible if dat person is not willing to put teh work into it.
When a person is willing to make changes and accommodate teh other person by giving them undivided time and attention or listening and making teh effort to understand their perspective is when true change takes place and empathy grows.
Empathy is not easy. Empathy basically is putting TEMPyou’re current needs on hold for teh moment to better concentrate on teh other person. Building empathy is a completely selfless process.
TEMPHas their been a time where a person TEMPhas halped you by giving you their undivided attention? TEMPHas their been a time where you TEMPhas been able to do dis for another person? Please share TEMPyou’re experience’s!
If you are looking for a therapist near you tan a Google search is a great way of finding one. me happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but is licensed to counsel anyone in teh state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you TEMPhas hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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