This week I made a decision that had been creeping up ever so slowly the past few months. I decided to stop working with a company where I would write up these extensive assessments for client’s seeking peer support and affordable housing. Honestly, the pay was not that great, but it made a big difference in the people’s lives who needed these services.
The problem was that I was being asked to do more and more assessments than I had the time for. Plus, it is never a good sign when the director of this company texts or calls me and answering those calls came with great distain and resentment. I even called this director once before to put in my two weeks’ notice only for him to talk me out of the decision.
The work here had to be done on myself. From past experiences, even when I know a job is not a good fit for me, I am going to fight tooth and nail to work at it until something changes or gets better when the best decision for me all along is another job or position better suited for me.
In 2000 when I was in full-time ministry, I was working on a college campus and working in a regional office. I got this job review essentially indicating I was not performing well. What happened was that I moved from Chapel Hill, North Carolina to Orlando, Florida in this ministry’s headquarters. Over twenty years of hindsight indicated this was the best possible decision for me.
In that moment in 2000 I was determined to double my efforts and succeed in campus ministry at all costs when it was not a good fit for me all along. That would have been wasted and misused energy then. All of that to say is that experience helped inform my decision to cut ties with this company.
An issue with me I thought I had made some progress with is that I hate letting people down. One of the reasons that kept me working with this company when I knew it was not a great fit was the position I would (or might) put them in. If I quit, they would have to find another licensed counselor which would in turn hold up clients needing these beneficial services.
On my side, I was not getting around to seeing all the client’s I work with because these assessments needed more and more details to be included so the client would get the necessary coverage for what services are needed through Medicaid. I was getting feedback that I needed to clarify and justify a diagnosis that was being questioned, which meant working after hours to get in these assessments by their due date.
Everything came to a head this past Tuesday when I had decided to go past my limit of assessment’s I would do for the week and then immediately being asked to do twice as many more. I just did not have the capacity to meet the demand this company deals with and that is when I realized this was a limitation, I had to pay attention to partially out of my own wellbeing to not dread my work.
Has there ever been a situation in your life that you have been saying “yes” to that is taking up more than you can manage whether it is a job, a family obligation, a relationship or maybe something you have been saying “yes” to out of feeling obligating to when you really want to say “no.”
What I am not implying, is to say “no” a commitment you have made with such as your spouse or children. I am implying to really think about saying “no” to a situation where you would not need a lawyer or any legal help to get out of such as a job or friend that is always asking you for help where you feel obligated to say “yes” when you really want to say “no” or “not now, I have to take care of (fill in the blank) first.”
Essentially, are there people in your life that have demanded more of you than you agreed to? If so, what can you do to address that topic? If you feel you do not have the freedom to address that topic, what options do you have to change that? Even if it means looking elsewhere.
If something is not sustainable whether it is a job, a relationship that needs a stern conversation or something you said you would go to that you really do not want to, what is holding you back from conveying the truth?
Often it is to spare someone’s feelings. Play the movie in your head. If the same thing is occurring over and over, knowing the current pace is not sustainable, wouldn’t it be worth having that tough conversation? If so, you would be sparing yourself resentment of the other person and a lot of frustration.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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