Wayne has been a client of mine for the past few months. Growing up Wayne had a speech impediment causing him to stutter incessantly. When Wayne was a teenager, he started to get a better handle on his stuttering but still the scars remained of classmates and family members making fun of him. As a result, Wayne started distancing himself from other people and found himself isolated as a result.
Feeling like he had no power or control, Wayne decided to come in for counseling. I learned that Wayne felt an extreme case of rejection and because of this he dropped out of school and said he has never had a job. Along the way Wayne internalized this sense of shame and wanted to change that.
Wayne goes to a popular church in Charlotte, NC and wanted so badly to be accepted by others. He told me he could not understand why a person would give him their phone number only to not answer the phone when he called. Wayne went on to say that when a person does not take his call, he becomes so sad that this drives him into a sense of despair.
I remembered what a pastor at a church said one time on the subject of other people’s approval. The pastor said that no matter the size of the congregation that he speaks to there are always going to be at least 20% of them that are not going to approve of him. He went on to say that you cannot control what other people think of you and that is okay. Then the pastor added, “when you are worried about what other people are thinking of you, they are thinking about themselves.”
When Wayne heard this, it was really like seeing someone in the moment when something huge clicks. This by no means instantly “cured” Wayne of his issues with rejection but Wayne had a new lens to view relationships through and started to feel the weight of having people’s approval loosen up. Wayne is still processing but is entering into relationships with more realistic expectations and he is not putting his identity into what another person thinks of him.
Wayne is still unemployed but he has started to take classes at a community college. He knows he still has a long road ahead of i’m but Wayne said that he has hope which he has not had in a long time.
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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