Humor and coping do not always go hand in hand. I come from a family rooted in dry humor and endless puns. My dad especially and my three uncles and three cousins. Whenever we got together, I could hear a joke recycled from the previous year with some small detail that had been changed from the year before. Even my mom, who was not exactly a natural comedian, was proof that a sense of humor could be learned. I was driving with her in the car, and we stopped for a train crossing. My mom’s response, “someone’s on the right track.”
Humor is a family value per se. However, through some hard times of my own as well as friends and family is where I learned how humor helps in coping with difficulties.
One example I can cite was during the month of October 1990. I had had abdominal surgery to biopsy a benign tumor. The surgery was also exploratory by a surgeon with rather large hands in my small stomach area. All of that to say is that afterwards I was incredibly sore as the abdominal muscles had to be but through.
Recovery from this is the worst part as the day after the surgery I was told to walk. Getting up, it felt as if several bricks were hanging down from me. Getting back into my hospital bed to get some relief, my dad said something funny. I cannot remember what exactly. The site of the incision was stapled together in addition to the abdominal pain. Laughing at my dad’s joke hurt, a lot. When I think back to that moment, I remember the joy of laughing with my family being there and not the pain.
The same concept can be applied to going through a taxing ordeal like a cancer diagnosis and ensuing treatment or going through the grieving a loved one’s passing. Humor, whether it is a thought coming from yourself or from another person does one thing specifically. It lightens the mood providing a short distraction from the moment and in so serves as a quick break from the present reality giving yourself enough of a distraction to push through a hard obstacle.
Like too much of anything, humor can be harmful when used as a defense mechanism if the person does not take the time to look reality in the face after the small distraction minimizing the weight of the present. In this case, it may help to have a friend check in with the person who is avoiding reality through humor.
Humor is a great tool to use when coping with a hard reality. The person utilizing humor does best when they are able to make light of what they are going through to provide enough momentum to push through what is hard. Humor can work alone but works better when others are involved too.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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