Zero expectations. Last week I wrote about how a person will set a goal and will get discourages because they are not seeing results immediately. A much more reasonable expectation would be to set incremental points to reach a goal. What about the other end of the spectrum where someone will have zero to little expectations so they will not be disappointed and let down?
A few weeks ago, I started meeting with a couple where the husband is deployed overseas. Another layer to add to this situation is the husband did something that really hurt his wife. A defense mechanism the wife uses so that she will not disappointed is not to set expectations that would let her down. Setting up expectations that are not realistic is a recipe for failure and frustration. However, purposely keeping your expectations low so to not be disappointed is not healthy either. Zero expectations.
Setting expectations can be tricky as a realistic goal needs to be set. When a goal is set, a person has made a step closure to making the goal real and achievable. An example would be someone who sets a fitness goal of running a 10K two months away when a more realistic goal would be to give yourself more time. Two months of less of training may be more attainable to someone more experienced.
When someone has little to no expectations on how something will play out, that is a form of self-sabotage. Setting a smart and feasible goal is giving yourself motivation and a framework to make the goal happen.
This couple I have been working with, their main goal is to rebuild trust with each other. Even though the husband is overseas, he and his wife are able to talk over something like Skype and have they have had some meaningful and frank conversations.
The wife is a bit shy about building up reasonable expectations for her future with her husband but there is hope. I asked the client what she would want their relationship to look like in a year and she said she does not think about that so not to be disappointed. Recently I asked her the same question about where she sees her relationship in a year. The wife said she is feeling more hopeful and is taking steps to set feasible goals. Zero expectations
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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