In the world of counseling, transference is when the client is reminded of a negative experience or trait from someone in their past that the counselor is reminding them of. In turn, the client may view the counselor the same way they view this person they are reminded of.
Countertransference is the reverse where a client that the therapist is counseling picks up on a negative experience or trait that the client is bringing back memories of. In my experience, this has not been common, but, when it does happen, it makes counseling the person all the more challenging because there are some issues on the therapist’s part that have not been fully resolved.
This client, or type of client I should say that would give me a flashback of the type of person I have a hard time with are chronically late, willingly take advantage of other people and do not take responsibility for their actions. This type of client does not remind me of a specific person, per se, but rather the type of person I have a hard time with. So, how to get through a 50-minute session with them?
First, the session is completely about them and not me. There is that boundary to set. Even if the person is pushing every button that gets on your nerves, give them those fifty minutes. They disserve the benefit of the doubt and they paid for the time anyway.
Second, relating to giving this person the benefit of the doubt, realize it is okay to be wrong. Sometimes it takes a moment to realize a person is being judged on a bias that was thought to have passed. When I see a client who where I realize I am already building this profile in my mind of, I have to be quit to stop that thought and realize I do not know this client. Sometimes I have to fight that thought.
Third, if there really is something there impeding further therapy with the client, more work on my part needs to be done you to realize on myself. When I was in graduate school, one of lessons I was taught was to learn the type of person I absolutely could not work with. If there is a hard line there of a person, I am not able to cannot deal with, then I have found that type I have a hard time with.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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