I listen to a podcast weekly from Dr. Henry Cloud called Boundaries. This podcast mentioned happiness is based on 10% of a person’s circumstances. Essentially, happiness can be bumped with a new shiny whatever, where the other 90% is based on everyday choices made. Circumstantial happiness is manageable.
An example of this would be a person’s expectation that buying the shiny new house/car/computer/ or getting this new promotion or even finally being able to go on an exotic vacation will bring them immense happiness. Which it will, for maybe a week or even less before it returns to their baseline of happiness.
This means a person’s happiness is already being managed on 90% of what is in their lives currently. It is the baseline of happiness that a person can manage. The good news is that this baseline can be managed by the day-to-day choices made to essentially uphold a healthy lifestyle. Choosing to manage that baseline takes work.
Daily habits like exercise, personal hygiene, sleep hygiene, being responsible going to doctor’s appointments, putting time into important relationships like family and friends and various other factors contributes to the other 90% of that baseline of happiness. That means, a person is responsible for managing how happy they feel.
This is good news for the responsible and independent who already realize this. This person tackles the hard choices like regular exercise and nutrition knowing it will pay dividends later. This is not good news for the ones who are dependent and look to others to do for them what they could otherwise do for themselves but either lack the discipline to push through something challenging.
However, maintaining happiness is not entirely about exercise and nutrition. The main habit that really elevates and maintains a person’s baseline of happiness is the quality of relationships in their life. Relationships take work like anything else. Key relationships like friends who have been maintained for years are healing for the soul.
All of this is to say that the person or family who lives in the multimillion-dollar mansion who drive 14 Tesla’s are not necessarily happy. In fact, it may be the complete opposite as this family has multiple mortgages and a large amount of debt.
The more money someone makes does not mean more happiness as this podcast mentions that research shows happiness stemming from money tops out at a salary of sixty thousand dollar per year. This is good news as the happiness baseline does not increase according to how much money someone makes.
The word “contentment” was not mentioned in the podcast, but the word “joy” was which in my opinion contentment is a byproduct of. Many of my clients deal with comparison to a degree in which depression solidifies when they do not have what the other person does whether that is career success, relationships, a vacation experience, or that new car.
Again, in my opinion, whether it is content or joy, a sign of character is being able to celebrate the success of whoever this person whether a friend, family on college on Instagram. Contentment is also being able to look at your own circumstances, appreciate what you have knowing circumstances can change down the line.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
Learn more about Individual Therapy, Couples Therapy or Christian Therapy.
Follow Clearer Thoughts on Facebook. Click here.
Clearer Thoughts is on Instagram. Click here.
You can set up an appointment for your free 30-minute consultation by clicking here.
