Acceptance, when fully realized is an incredible and life changing reality. Rescue pets are so loyal because their lives have been saved and made so much better when someone genuinely cares and loves them. The same thing is true for a person whose life is transformed when they have found acceptance for themselves.
One client I have been working with for over a year is one of those whose life has been changed for the better once they found acceptance. In all honesty, I did not exactly look forward to sessions with this client because of our differences. This client is very outspoken; practices witchcraft, is non-binary and would always go over the time limit for sessions. Over the past year, I got to learn more about how their lifestyle decisions had been influenced by their horrible upbringing. I became much more empathic.
One session that sort of endeared me to this client more was when they shared that they do improv and standup comedy. When I lived in Orlando, Florida, I took some improv classes, and they were hard. Improv requires quick thinking which I do not have. This client does. Learning this about the client opened a commonality between us.
This client quite simply had a horrible childhood that set up multiple issues rooted in distrust and abandonment. This client deals with symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming from endless amounts of being emotionally manipulated and being told they are the sole reason for their parent’s marriage not working and their parents being unhappy.
Growing up, this person had no personal friends at any point because they were told they were not good enough to be liked. This played so deeply into their psyche that they were not good enough for anything. The only people who showed this person any empathy was a homosexual couple who would listen to this client on days they ran away from home and over time this couple and my client developed a friendship. Because of this friendship, my client started to feel acceptance in the LGTBQ community.
Imagine for a minute how this shapes a person’s thoughts growing up into adolescence?
In January of 2020, I started counseling this client through BetterHelp, a company offering online counseling that I contract with. This client was a sophomore in college and had just come out of a very abusive relationship. At age 19 they were still staying with these same parents who had manipulated them their whole life. The reason this person decided to seek help was because they started developing an opinion different than what their parents were telling them. Through this process, my client started accepting herself more and more, flaws and all.
March of 2021, my client decided to drop out of school because she did not want to be dependent on their parents for anything because their parents would use this as leverage. My client moved into a house with four others who also dealt with mental health issues. Being a part of this community of five people this client began their steps toward independence from their parents.
Part of this process included getting a full-time job at a restaurant close to where they live. To say this person is talkative and animated is putting it lightly. A few weeks into the job, this person noticed they were being scheduled more and more with the one person they were the opposite of the two conflicted so much the former was arrested for assault and my client had to check into a mental health facility to put on “lockdown” for suicidal tendencies.
There were four weeks I did not meet with the client. When I noticed this client was back on my schedule, I was curious about what all had happened in those four weeks. Getting ready for the appointment I tried to temper my expectations.
The client who was very talkative and outgoing seemed much more focused and calmer. The client has been given a medication for her ADHD and as a result the client was able to think before she spoke. This was not the big change that made the biggest difference. What had made the biggest difference was working at a new job where being non-binary was much more accepted.
The big factor that played into this person being wholly accepted is that this person now worked at a job that welcomes this person for who they are plus having roommates who also accepted who they are. The client realized the significance and freedom to be their authentic self the whole day without having to hide a large part of who they are.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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