The past two months I have been meeting with a client whose goal is to cut down on drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol has been so ingrained as being “fun” as drinking had been a family norm as long as they could remember. This client has always been able to realize their limit so the thought of them having any kind of problem never registered.
The moment that solidified their decision to lower their limit and eliminate drinking alcohol altogether occurred when this person was at a baseball game with their son. This client started to drink their third beer when their son said, “I thought you said two beers is your limit?”
Our last session was a few days ago and it was the first week this client had gone an entire week without drinking alcohol. The client was elated and went on to say the highlight of the week was going on a camping trip with their parents whose dad always seemed to press this client into drinking.
“The hard part was that other people thought something was wrong with me since I did not have a drink in my hand. It was an awkward feeling.” The client went on to say that it was an expectation for them to drink when around family and friends. The client went on to talk about the new challenge of being okay with other people thinking something is now.
What does it mean to embrace that awkward feeling? Part of it comes from examining how much significance a person gives toward what other people think of them. Many times, it is hardest to maintain a healthy change around family and longtime friends because they know and are used to this previous version of yourself. When they experience something different, it is harder to be scrutinized by a family figure such as a parent because power has been assigned to them even if it was not intentional.
With this client who has been making changes to eliminate alcohol for personal, family and health reasons, the person most likely to ignore these new goals is this person’s father. The father had been the person that had maintained the normalcy of always drinking in family gatherings and social events. When the father would push this client by saying, “why don’t you have just one beer,” this became a trigger for the client.
The client realized that if they could resist their father, they could resist anyone. What helped the client was reaching out to people who would support their decision. One of those supports was this person’s mother. When it came time for the camping trip, this person felt much more confident knowing their mother would have talked with their father.
The awkwardness came when everyone at this family gathering respected this person’s desire not to drink. Since the person was not on the defensive, they had to wrestle with this new normal of everyone else drinking while this person maintained their decision of not drinking. “Even though it felt really weird, it was a healthy weird,” my client said.
Other reasons the client wanted to taper their drinking is for health reason as this client is in their 40’s and wants to lose some weight. The client said they came to the realization that life has gone by so fast that they want to enjoy every second they have with their family. The incident at the baseball game, mentioned earlier, served as a wakeup call to reevaluate their priorities.
Is there a change or goal in your life that has been set back by how awkward you may look in the process? Change, especially a change to improve your health is worth the experiencing the awkwardness that may come of new milestone.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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