In the past month of so I have been hearing a word or catchphrase, if you will, to describe a person’s limit of how long and how much they can deal with being around other people. As a fellow introvert, I think this phrase describes the mindset perfectly. The term is “emotional battery,” which describes how much “emotional energy” a person has before engaging in an event being around other people until that battery drains.
As I have gotten older, I have become more introverted where I need more and more time to myself to recharge. The limits of my emotional battery tend to drain when I am at an event where I have decided “I am going to invest this amount of time” before that battery is drained and I am wiped.
One occasion was a family dinner a few weeks ago at a particular resultant that I have not been to in over a year because of COIVD19. Many of the people at this dinner I had not seen in over a year as well. You would think this would be a joyous occasion, right? Yes… mostly.
Several members of this party can keep the “dinner conversation” at a surface level, in my opinion. When asked, “hey Jeff, how is business going? I can answer that and give some details. The conversation never goes deeper and suddenly, all I am waiting for is this event to end.
I do not drink alcohol very much, but I ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc because I knew it would loosen me up and I could put up with and participate more in the chatter. After about an hour, I felt like I hit a wall as my body had metabolized the alcohol in the wine and everyone was still talking. My emotional battery was near empty.
One of my newer clients that I meet with gets great anxiety when his emotional battery has been depleted and he does not know what to do next. This client is an assistant manager at a popular retail outlet in Charlotte.
One trigger was that several of his employees called out sick without getting a replacement and his own supervisor asked if he could cover two of her shifts all in one day. The problem was that the two shifts he was asked to cover were two days in a row that he had off that he was really looking forward to.
One obstacle in this client’s way is that he wants to be perceived as the “nice boss” that everyone can come talk with. He mentioned that he is finding out what the price of being the “nice boss” costs.
Additionally, this client does not like his job as he says he is asked to do much more than what was mentioned when he was first hired. He also said, “the pay is worth it.” A temporary solution is him being in the process of looking for a new job.
The harder lesson to learn would be to say “no” or something he knows the other person does not want to hear and keep his ground. Saying no is hard and even feels bad a few days after saying and backing up what was said. In the long run, that hard conversation will recharge and keep that emotional battery from draining as fast.
I wrote about a side job I had to step away from a few weeks ago. The hardest part about stepping down from that position was knowing what position I would be putting that company in. In the long run, decision has saved a lot of mornings dreading my work for the day which is turn replenishes my emotional battery in return.
Is there an area in your life you notice is particularly draining? What choices do you have regarding this area? It may not mean doing something as drastic as stepping down from that responsibility, but would an intentional conversation lighten up this area of your life?
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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