One of the most unforgettable summers in my life was the summer of 2008. Unfortunately, the reason this summer was so unforgettable is an injury I sustained. That summer I was supposed to go to New York City on a summer missions’ trip. A few days before I went, I was feeling off and went to the doctor. I had a fever of 103 degrees which meant, “go to the hospital now.”
Needless to say, is that I did not go to New York that summer. Instead, I was told that I had asymptomatic pneumonia. All I felt was some tiredness, but a test showed otherwise. In the week and a half I was in the hospital I was given a great deal of antibiotics. With antibiotics comes losing weight, which is normal. The amount I lost was not normal.
Following that hospital visit I lost 30 pounds in a six-week period. I stand at 5”4’ and went from 145 pounds to 115 pounds. Those 30 pounds is a large chunk of my weight. There were some other issues in addition to pneumonia such as swelling of some organs. In hindsight, some of the medication I took effected my appetite. Part of that weight loss was from not eating.
Another hospital visit that was brief but more urgent and scarier left me taking a massive number of steroids for the following year that was tapered off gradually. A large portion of the weight I lost was due to muscle atrophy. In time I gained the weight back through eating, coming naturally because of steroids as well as working out in the gym.
In building up muscle and gaining weight back, the muscles in my legs did not build up evenly. To this day, when I try to run, my stride is incredibly uneven as I am not able to bring up my right leg. Even when walking there was a noticeable difference in my gait. As a result, I would often trip and fall when walking. Over the years, my balance has become much better where my walking looks normal. I still have a sign of a limp, but it has become much better with exercise over the years.
To this day, I still cannot run. Although I am able to substitute that “runner’s high” on an elliptical machine. About a week ago I was following a program where the trainer had climbed Mount Everest 15 times. The climber mentioned that he had a limp that he has sustained from an injury earlier in his life. I was so encouraged that he mentioned this. Despite this injury, he continued to climb Mount Everest.
I thought, “why are people embarrassed by their scars?” They tell a very interesting and personal story. I believe that scars have a bad connotation as they show a person’s flaws. Some are more obvious than others whether the scar is an injury or a visible mark.
To embrace a scar, or something unpleasant, requires a change of perspective. Some questions to consider asking yourself are.
- What is my motivation for hiding this scar/injury?
- Do I care what other people think of me?
- Am I covering this because of what other people think of me?
- If it is related to an injury, what can I work on to improve myself?
- If a lot of pain is involved in either something like rehabilitation or exercises recommended by a doctor; how much pain is tolerable?
- On the other end of the spectrum, “scars are cool. Why would I not show this?”
These are some thoughts to consider. Sometimes there is an obvious scar or injury such as someone learning how to walk again after a limb was amputated. In any situation, support from a friend or family is always encouraged.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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