The past month I have been meeting with a person from Fayetteville, NC who says their biggest struggle is the regret of past decisions they have made. This client is in their late 20’s and is developing hindsight of the past ten years pinpointing how their life would have been different if they had stood their ground and made a firm decision they owned and knew was right.
What has started to give the client hope is this person’s job. This client was told by her family that pursuing this job would not be the right decision but went through anyway. This person is a nurse in an Emergency Room which is heroic and invaluable. Because this client made a decision informed from their own thoughts and conclusions and from others that has turned out to be a great decision, the client is thinking how to “salvage” and turn around.
As the client had thought through the past ten years, this person narrowed down one aspect of nearly every decision that is regretted. Refusing to say the word “no” either to the other person or themselves had resulted in bad decisions, therefore not building up a track record of standing up for themselves that would build confidence and character for future decision making.
“I did not realize how important it is to say “no” to myself,” this client said. At 28 this person was in her second marriage having an affair with her previous husband from her first marriage. The client went on about how they did not even give a second thought to decisions leading to major regrets because they had no history or discipline of saying “no” to themselves. There is no one who has ever been tempted to do what they knew is the wrong thing. Having a track record of saying “no” to these behaviors takes time and momentum.
Saying “no” is not always as confrontational as it sounds. Seeking counsel in any kind of decision is wise. However, you own whatever decision you have come to. Saying “no” may be politely thanking a person for their advice and declining their direction. If necessary, saying the actual word “no” even without justifying the reason for saying “no” is all that is necessary.
The fear of death is not the number one fear as it is behind the fear of public speaking and the fear of confrontation of any kind.
Are there any areas of your life where you feel like you have gone along with the direction what another person has said is right versus the direction of what you feel is right? Let’s talk about how you feel about this decision.
If you are looking for a therapist near you then a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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