Alert: Potentially too much information.
With that out of the way, I have Colitis. Microscopic Colitis to be exact. I hate this more than anything, I really do. I hate it more than Aunt Jamima winning second place in a pancake cooking contest. It is a reality I have had to learn to live with I absolutely hate? Yes, it is.
Having Microscopic Colitis has meant making various lifestyle changes. In the eight years that I have been diagnosed with it I have been on various medications like steroids, probiotics and different diets. Through the eight years of trial and error, you know what has worked out the best?… bread. Yes… bread. Or more specifically smaller meals more often in the day.
Before this discovery it has meant planning my day almost to the second around knowing where a bathroom is and how often I need to visit it. Going out to eat with family not knowing where a bathroom is and where exits are brought on anxiety. One time I was in a window seat on a flight where I could not get out. This was the closest I have come to a panic attack.
There is even a commercial for people with Crohn’s disease of a bride to be trying on a wedding dress when her stomach feels uncomfortable when there just happens to be a bathroom two steps away. How that is far from reality.
Despite my pleading with God to take this ailment away and doctors to put me on Humira, the answer I get to both questions is “no.” “My grace is sufficient for you” and “you do not meet the criteria for Humara since steroids help” are the answers I have received. Que the frustration and coming back to face reality.
What this had meant for me in living with this diagnosis is realizing that I have more choices and control than I thought initially. In “pre-COVID-19 2020” this means sitting on the outside of a booth when having dinner with family. On a plane it means getting an aisle seat. It meant having an honest conversation with my supervisor at work about how I do not like going to the office because it is so far from the bathroom (The office is in a rather old building in Charlotte).
Another choice has been to get into the discipline of starting to eat smaller meals more often which I really resisted at first. I do not mind eating, I kind of like it, but I hate the preparation. The part I have had to push through is making that concerted effort to plan out meals. In the long run it has meant being on a lower dose of steroids and feeling more confident and less anxious.
Often with harsh realities we would rather not have, most of the time there is more control than you think you have over it than you think. Realizing these choices means that choosing to make one of the choices is the decision to take action with something that may or may not work. Your attitude may be, “why bother?”
Most great inventions have been the product of countless mistakes and recognizing what does not work. One way that may help is realizing something will take more time and play the long game. This way, you give yourself more freedom to go through the process of trial and error.
Is there something in your life where you could apply this change in perspective?
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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