Before I entertained the idea of being a counselor for a living, this one value was instilled in me from an early age. “You will get out of something only what you put into it.” At the time not really comprehending what I learned, it is something I have slowly learned the definition of over time.
When I was in full-time ministry, I went to this conference geared toward people who are introverted and quiet, like me. The whole group was maybe around 50 people, so it was not an intimidating size. A few hours into the first day I thought I had figured out what the meaning behind this was.
The speaker was talking about how a person has the power to make changes in themselves and other people. Being almost a year out of grad school, I commented about how this seems like it comes a theory from a guy names William Glasser called Reality Therapy. Thinking I had discovered this grand secret, the speaker says, “yes, you are correct.” Not expecting that response, I sat back down.
Thinking I was not going to learn anything new from this conference the speaker said something I had heard when I was younger, “you will only get out of something what you put into it.” In this case meaning, the more you participate, the more you will get out this conference. Over the next two days, participants who had not been as vocal found their courage and started to speak up.
Yesterday, I had a very unique client. This person was taking a medication to stop bleeding and it was causing all of these unpleasant side effects. Being familiar with medications causing unwanted side effects, I thought I would be able to help.
The client went on about how he had tried over ten counselors before me who had not helped change his circumstances. The client said he was taught meditation, hypnosis, mindfulness, deep breathing, different exercises. None of this had helped. The client asked me if all I do is “talk therapy.” Since “talk therapy” is essentially what all counselors do I said that I did. Immediately the client got up saying “thanks for nothing, you have wasted my time.”
Thinking this person was trying to get a reaction out of me, I remained calm and asked, “what were you expecting?” What felt like a few weeks passing, the client said, “I expected you to know how to help without me having to explain everything.” My response was “that’s not how it works.” Needless to say, I will not be meeting with this person again.
I could definitely see how this person had been through ten counselors. He was not willing to put any effort to get to the resolution he was looking for. This person was not willing to put the work into getting better and therefore makes zero progress. Even when a doctor prescribes a medication to treat a medical issue, the patient has to put in the effort to go to the pharmacy to get the medicine and then the effort and discipline to take the medicine three times a day for a week.
Is there an outcome that ended up a lot more work than you thought? It can be something other than counseling or going to the doctor. Maybe it is a New Year’s resolution coming up.
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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