When I was in graduate school to get my degree for counseling, I learned about many, many theories and how the train or thought originated and how that approach worked with people. One theory that really resonated with me is called Reality Therapy. Dr. William Glasser was the forerunner for this train of thought.
When I started my career as a counselor, I worked with many clients who had Medicaid and they had to abide by certain guidelines. One of those guidelines is that a person can only make a certain amount of money each month. If a person went over this cap, they lost Medicaid benefits which includes their health insurance and, in some cases, this jeopardized their housing. On a yearly basis I would conduct an intake assessment on a client. Two of the questions asked is “What is working?” The other is “What is not working?”
In my own life, these two questions have served me well. If something is working, I maintain what is working and increase if I can. The same goes for what is not working. This is very helpful to analyze if a goal is not being met. Once what is not working is identified, it can be changed.
Personally, I think this approach is intuitive and obvious to identify. However, some clients I have met with struggle with coming up with what is working in their life. Clients have zero problem of identifying what is not working.
Identifying what is working takes work and effort. Many times, more work and effort than a client wants to spend. One client told me that they were paying me for “words of wisdom that would solve their problem.” Their expectation is to sit back and let someone else solve their dispute without putting in any work. The clients that are willing to put in the work and do whatever it takes fare much better.
Looking into what is working and what is not working can be scary. Looking at reality in the face is scary and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it helps to have someone or even a group of friends and family to support a person coming to terms with reality.
When I was in college, my last semester was the hardest as I had a medical issue blindside me. A mentor I had in college said these words I will never forget; embrace pain. Sounds counterintuitive doesn’t it? When a person truly embraces their reality whatever it is they come to terms with it. That journey is hard, but worth it. After that, inner peace will follow.
Is there something in your life you are having a hard time coming to terms with?
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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