Stress is good? When I was growing up a good friend of mine who I have known since junior high school was talking about some challenges he was going through. I do not remember what exactly he was going through, but he was determined to not let it beat him. One statement he made was “make stress your friend.” Given he was joking a bit, the statement has stayed with me. Stress is good?
I have a handful of clients who have this expectation of how an event should happen and when it does not, it causes stress. Living life stress free is pretty much impossible and thinking life should be a certain way is not being realistic. People who have a positive attitude toward aversity tend to do better in the long run knowing life in and of itself brings plenty of stress. Stress is good?
There is a diagnosis in the DSM 5 called Generalized Anxiety Disorder which is a very common mental illness. So how can you find the balance of dealing with stress without it overwhelming you?
One way is to have some semblance of a plan in mind. Many people get overwhelmed because they are looking at a stressor as one big obstacle. What is better is to break down the stressor into smaller increments and deal with each part one by one. Another factor is managing your expectations. Most problems do not go away overnight so if there is an expectation that you think something will be over by a certain time and it does not, frustration will occur.
Take for instance the Coronavirus. One train of thought was that it will go away say by July at the latest while other experts think it may not be for another year to a year in a half when vaccines are more widespread. If a person is deadest on the virus ending at the end of July and it does not happen, they will indeed be disappointed which could lead to despair.
There was a study done about Prisoners of War who were captured and tortured. The study looked at how POW’s faired and dealt with their expectations of when they were going to be rescued. The one’s who faired the best were the ones who were more realistic in their thinking realizing they could be POW’s for longer than they would like. Then the POW’s who did not fare as well thought they would be rescued in this certain length of time and when it did not happen when that date rolled around a lot drove deeper into despair to where it was unhealthy.
Although being a POW is an extreme example, I think it is a good lesson on having reasonable expectations. You have heard the expression “prepare for the worst and hope for the best?” That is having a good outlook on life.
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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