Communication Fallacies. Mind reading thoughts usually begin with “should statements” such as “you should act this way when this happens” or “you should feel a certain level of gratitude each time I do this.” Even if an event or the same situation has been repeated over a number of years, still it never hurts to fully clarify their intentions and desires for the other person
Should statements come off as the other person invalidating your feelings. “You don’t feel like that” or “you’re just too sensitive” is not only hurtful but can cause repercussions for the person as time passes thinking their way of thinking is wrong. A person’s feelings are always valid and ideally, they should feel free to express what they are feeling. Communication Fallacies.
A person not taking responsibility for their actions communicates their inability in saying “I messed up.” When someone blames another person when they are the clear culprit marginalizes the other person which in turn causes the other person to feel frustrated causing a chasm between the two. If this person does not feel free to voice their side of the story, over a period of time they feel they have no voice and that what they say or think does not matter. Communication Fallacies
Claiming responsibility over something that went sideways shows care for the other person and validates the other person’s feelings. When you take responsibility, you are taking a burden off of yourself and the rest falls into place.
My parents were married for 48 years before my mother passed away due to Alzheimer’s disease. They definitely had their share of arguments, but both were able to apologize to the other afterwards. My father still has some expectation that others should know what he is thinking without him verbalizing his expectation. The difference is that my dad recognizes this and will apologize when he senses he has wronged the other person.
If you are looking for a therapist near you and a Google search is a great way of finding one. I happen to be a therapist in Charlotte, NC but am licensed to counsel anyone in the state of North Carolina. In Google, try looking for “psychotherapist,” “find therapist,” “therapy near me,” or even “counseling charlotte, nc.” If you feel like you have hit a wall you are not able to get past, call me at (704) 458-6298 or email me at jeffhelms@clearerthoughtspllc.com.
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